


BAEKYEOL Voice Messages!

by xoneworldx



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Comedy, Humor, M/M, Romantic Comedy, Two Shot, Voicemail
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2015-03-22
Packaged: 2018-03-19 01:03:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3590448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xoneworldx/pseuds/xoneworldx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short series of voice messages through the month of November between our favorite pairing, BaekYeol! It's short and cute and totally worth reading. Can you handle the amusing bantering? <br/>Ready, set, GO!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part I

**November 2 nd, 2013. 5:23 PM**

_“Hey, what’s up?_

“Hey Chanyeol. It’s Baekhyun. I was wondering if you had the notes from Economics class—”

_“I’m sorry, I can’t hear you. Say that again?”_

“Um, I was wondering if you took the notes in Econom—”

_“Sorry, one more time?”_

“Chanyeol, where the hell are you? Your reception is horrible! I said—”

_“Ha, sucker! Leave your name, number and message after the—”_

_Beeep!_

“…Goddammit, Chanyeol you suck. Whatever. Bring those Economics notes tomorrow, okay? Dammit, I hate you.”

 

<<<<<||>>>>>

 

**November 2 nd, 2013. 9:10 PM**

 

_“Greetings. This is not Baekhyun and he is not home, not sure if he ever will be, he might be dead. Don’t leave a message, he won’t hear it—probably because he’s dead. So go away, thanks.”_

“Baek, I do not suck. And you do not hate me. I’m awesome and you love me.”

 

<<<<<||>>>>>

 

**November 3 rd, 2013. 3:57 PM**

_“Hey, what’s up?”_

Chan! It’s Baekhyun again. Anyway, because you’re a screw up who decided not to show to class today, I—“”

_“I’m sorry, I can’t hear you. Say that again?”_

“Fuck, not this again. I swear to God, Chan—”

_“Sorry, one more time?”_

“You fucking suck.

_“Ha, sucker! Leave your name, number and message after the—”_

_Beeep!_

“….Aaaand, I still fucking hate you. I’m coming over to steal your notes. You better start preparing what you want written on your headstone.”

 

<<<<<||>>>>>

**November 6 th, 2013. 8:35 AM**

_“This is the Literacy Self-Test Hotline. After the tone, leave your name and number, and recite a sentence using today’s vocabulary word. Today’s word is ‘superlicious’.”_

“Hey, you changed your message. Anyway, you’re favorite Chan is calling…obviously. Okay, shoot. I forgot what I was calling about….This is so not ‘superlicious.’

 

<<<<<||>>>>>

 

**November 6 th, 2013. 8:41 AM**

_“This is the Literacy Self-Test Hotline. After the tone, leave your name and number, and recite a sentence using today’s vocabulary word. Today’s word is ‘superlicious’.”_

“Okay, Baek, I ‘superliciously’ remembered what I was calling about the first time. In a ‘superlicious’-fashion, do you or do you not want me to pick up a ‘superlicious’ chocolate cake from the bakery after school? There’s a ‘superlicious’ sale and I’m ‘superliciously’ craving cake. I know, it’s random. Anyway, it will be ‘superliciously’ delicious, okay? Call me back….’Superlicious’.”

 

<<<<<||>>>>>

 

**November 6 th, 2013. 10:32 AM**

“Hey, what’s up?”

“………..”

“Sorry, I can’t hear you. Say that again?”

“……….”

“Sorry, one more time?”

“……….”

_“Ha, sucker! Leave your name, number and message after the—”_

_Beeep!_

“I didn’t fall for it this time, dummy. You better get that fucking cake. Now change your message-thing, moron. Pronto.”

 

<<<<<||>>>>>

 

**November 9 th, 2013. 7:35 PM**

_“To my parents, can you please lend me money? My friends, you owe me money, especially you, Sehun. People looking for a good time, I have money. If you’re the police, this is not Park Chanyeol and I didn’t steal any money.”_

“….Of course you didn’t, but I wouldn’t put it past you. Anyway, just checking to see if you changed your greeting-thing. Which you did. Cool. By the way, can I have some money?”

 

<<<<<||>>>>>

**November 13 th, 2013. 2:23 AM**

_“This is the Literacy Self-Test Hotline. After the tone, leave your name and number, and recite a sentence using today’s vocabulary word. Today’s word is ‘excited.”_

“Baekkie~ I really like this word-of-the-day-thing. It’s cool. I might just start calling you to do this thing. Um. Okay. Anyway. Reason I’m calling: Get your butt over to my place right now and sit your ass down on my lap. I’m feeling ‘excited’.”

 

<<<<<||>>>>>

 

**November 13 th, 2013. 2:43 AM**

_“To my parents, can you please lend me money? My friends, you owe me money, especially you, Sehun. People looking for a good time, I have money. If you’re the police, this is not Park Chanyeol and I didn’t steal any money.”_

“Chanyeol, what the flying fuck? It’s almost three in the morning, you asswipe. You seriously want me to come over right now? No. No way. If you want me, then you’re coming over here. And pick up your damn phone if you’re still awake. I have class in the morning, so don’t you dare bother me. God, you’re such an idiot.

 

<<<<<||>>>>>

 

**November 13 th, 2013. 2:55 AM**

_“This is the Literacy Self-Test Hotline. After the tone, leave your name and number, and recite a sentence using today’s vocabulary word. Today’s word is ‘excited.”_

“I’m coming over…’excited’.”

 

<<<<<||>>>>>

 

**November 14 th, 2013. 2:13 PM**

_“To my parents, can you please lend me money? My friends, you owe me money, especially you, Sehun. People looking for a good time, I have money. If you’re the police, this is not Park Chanyeol and I didn’t steal any money.”_

“God, I can’t believe I’m missing school because of you. Now answer your phone, stop playing Minecraft, and get me some Tylenol.”

 

<<<<<||>>>>>

 

**November 20 th, 2013. 6:30 PM**

_“This is the Literacy Self-Test Hotline. After the tone, leave your name and number, and recite a sentence using today’s vocabulary word. Today’s word is ‘flamboyant’.”_

“Okay, okay…um…Baekkie, I love how you’re so flamboyant. Okay, bye.”

 

<<<<<||>>>>>

 

**November 21 st, 2013. 3:24 PM**

_“This is the Literacy Self-Test Hotline. After the tone, leave your name and number, and recite a sentence using today’s vocabulary word. Today’s word is ‘magical.’”_

“Baekhyun, the way you make me feel…it’s so ‘magical’.”

 

<<<<<||>>>>>

 

**November 22 nd, 2013. 4:30 PM**

_“This is the Literacy Self-Test Hotline. After the tone, leave your name and number, and recite a sentence using today’s vocabulary word. Today’s word is ‘beautiful’.”_

“It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood~”

 

<<<<<||>>>>>

 

**November 22 nd, 2013. 5:34 PM**

_“To my parents, can you please lend me money? My friends, you owe me money, especially you, Sehun. People looking for a good time, I have money. If you’re the police, this is not Park Chanyeol and I didn’t steal any money.”_

“Oh my God, stop.”

 

<<<<<||>>>>>

 

**November 23 th, 2013. 12:23 PM**

_“I swear to God, if this is Chanyeol, please stop calling me I’m sick of you. Go away. I swear, if you call me again I’ll find you and mutilate you slowly and painfully and chop your balls off and make you eat them. I will bomb your home and everyone you love. I’ll even barbecue your dog and feed it to my snake. So don’t you dare leave a message, I’m pissed at you. If this is my parents, I’ll come over soon, I promise (maybe). If this is work, don’t fire me, you need me. And if this is bill collectors, I’ll bomb you, so just as an FYI, I have nothing that needs to be paid. Okay, leave your message!”_

“…..Holy shit, you’re crazy….Crazy in love~ with me! Talk to you later!”

 

<<<<<||>>>>>

 

**November 24 th, 2013. 12:34 PM**

_“Hi!! Chanyeol here! Baekhyun, if you’re calling, you’re the most wonderful person in the world! 1-4-3, yo. You’re the PB to my J in this sandwich. I love you! To everyone else, don’t bother leaving a message, I won’t get back to you.”_

“....I love you and I hate it. Now go choke on your cheese.”


	2. Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of Baekyeol's hilarious voice messages!

**Novemer 25 th, 2013. 7:00 AM**

 

“Hello? Baekyhun?” a groggy voice grumbled, clearly not being fully awake at such an hour of the morning.

 

 _“Chan, sorry to wake you up, but I have a very important question,”_  Baekhyun said, sounding apologetic. A rarity in itself.

 

“What is it?”

 

_“What is the color of your toothbrush?”_

 

“…..What?”

 

_“What color is your toothbrush?”_

 

“…..Um…..Green? I don’t recall—it’s too early. I’m going back to sleep—”

 

_“Wait! Chanye—!”_

 

_This call has been disconnected._

 

 

 

<<<<<||>>>>>

 

 

 

**November 25 th, 2013. 3:23 PM**

 

“Hello, Chan.”

 

 _“Well, don’t act too happy to hear from me,”_  Chanyeol deadpanned.

 

Baekhyun sighed over on the other end, “Sorry. I’m working on math. What’s up?”

 

_“I want to cook for you tonight.”_

 

“Really?”

 

_“Yeah, what do you want?”_

 

“Let’s barbecue your dog.”

 

_“What? What do you have against my dog? No. Just not. Now seriously, what do you want?”_

 

“Enchaladas.”

 

_“….I don’t know how to make those.”_

 

“….Okay, how about Lasagna?”

 

_“….I don’t know how to do that either.”_

 

“….Just buy more instant ramen.”

 

 

 

<<<<||>>>>

 

 

 

**November 26 th, 2013. 7:03 AM**

 

“Hey, Baek. What’s up? You’re calling awfully early.”

 

_“Where’s the spare key to your apartment?”_

 

“….Are you there right now?”

 

_“Yeah.”_

 

“I’m not there. I left already.”

 

_“Yes, I know that, Mr. Smarty Pants. Tell me where the spare key is.”_

 

“It’s underneath the plant.”

 

_“….I can’t lift the pot.”_

 

“Put your back into it.”

 

_“Ugh, I hate you……Nnn……Okay, got it. Fuck, that thing was heavy. What do you have in there? Rocks?”_

 

“A lot of soil. What are you doing at my apartment?”

 

_“I need to borrow your underwear.”_

 

“....I’m sorry, what?”

 

_“I need to borrow your underwear. I don’t have any clean ones.”_

 

 

 

<<<<<||>>>>>

 

 

 

**November 27 th, 2013. 2:25 AM**

 

“For the love of all that is fucking holy in this motherfucking world, there better be a good reason why you’re calling me right now, Yeol.”

 

_“I just wanted to hear your voice. I miss you.”_

 

“Well, you’re hearing it now. Can I go back to sleep?”

 

_“Wait…I just…I want to tell you something.”_

 

“Jesus Christ…Fine, what is it?”

 

_“I…I want you to move in with me.”_

 

“….Okay. In seven months when my lease is up.”

 

_“But I want you to move in sooner. I really need you to do my laundry; I suck at it.”_

 

“….Goodnight, Yeol.”

 

 

 

<<<<<||>>>>>

 

 

 

**November 28 th, 2013. 4:26 PM**

 

_“Chan! Happy thanksgiving, love. Having fun with your family?”_

 

“Yeah, loads. We still up for black Friday later?”

  
_“Yeah, we meeting up at the mall, right?”_

 

“At two. Be there.”

 

_“Absolutely. Bring your running shoes.”_

 

“And bring your pepper spray!”

 

_“Sure thing!”_

 

 

 

<<<<<||>>>>>

 

 

 

**November 29 th, 2013. 4:20 AM**

 

“Chanyeol! I got my things! Where are you at?”

 

_“In the lingerie store.”_

 

“….What the fuck? Why are you there?”

 

_“I was getting you something.”_

 

“What?! No! Chany—!”

 

_“Get your hands off these silky thongs! These are mine, bitch!”_

 

“Uh…Chan?”

 

_“Sorry, some hoe was trying to take your thongs.”_

 

“Please don’t get anything.”

 

_“But they’re seventy-five percent off!”_

 

“Chanyeol.”

 

_“Holy shit! This looks great! Do you like see-through?”_

  
“What the hell?”

 

_“They’re buy one-get one free.”_

 

“….No.”

 

_“I’m getting these and the thongs. I’ll meet you by the pretzel shop, ‘kay?”_

 

“Chanyeol, don’t you dare.”

 

_“The thongs are pink.”_

 

 

 

<<<<<||>>>>>

 

 

 

**November 30 th, 2013. 2:00 PM**

 

_“Channie, baby…How’s your head?”_

 

“It’s okay. There’s still a huge bump on it. By back really hurts too.”

 

_“Black Friday is dangerous. You should’ve brought some protection. I brought my pepper spray.”_

 

“….I didn’t think you were serious about that, though.”

 

_“Of course I was serious. The people in that mall were hyenas. It would have been stupid not to bring it. It was seriously helpful.”_

 

“You mean you actually used it!?”

 

_“Duh. Some bitch was trying to take my new tablet from my cart.”_

 

“Holy shit…”

 

_“Anyway, want me to come over? I’ll massage your back.”_

 

“Yes, please. Love you, Baekkie.”

 

_“Love you, too. See you in a few.”_

 

“And please leave your pepper spray at your place.”


End file.
